She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
