We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
this is an emotional support booty call
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
