White coat. Heels.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
