Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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