Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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