last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
