You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
