I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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