I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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