Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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