Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
