Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sorry my hands just texted you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
