girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
