Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize