Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
