Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
