Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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