idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
