As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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