just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
