i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
