just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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