I can text with my tongue
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
