Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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