She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
