so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
