i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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