and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
