Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
