my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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