hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
