I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
