i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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