i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
