I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
