after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
