There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
