i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
