Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
