i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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