Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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