Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
