You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize