Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
