I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm too high and old for this...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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