I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
PANTIES FOUND
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
