My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
