so that wasnt chicken after all
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize