Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Randomize
