Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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