I got chris browned last night
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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