Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
be right there i have to get my cape
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
