She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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