Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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