I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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