I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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