I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
