I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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