If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Man, jail baloney is awful.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
