i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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