I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
