I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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