every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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