Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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