Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
