i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
