recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
