It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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