I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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