my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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