please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize