At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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