well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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