My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
