she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
