I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
