i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
