Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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