community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
