If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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