isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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