The maid of honor just puked.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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