I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
