they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it because I queefed?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
