First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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