i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize