Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple

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(904): View more from Florida

im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!

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(251): View more from Alabama

Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance

(303): View more from Colorado

It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.

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(765): View more from Indiana

looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...

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(562): View more from California

cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times

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(516): View more from New York

So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".

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