you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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