mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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