i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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