Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The uberlube is also flammable
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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