I'm eating all of the evidence.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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