I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
