Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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