just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
