Christians are straight up FREAKS
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize