But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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