I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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