so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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