You just made me feel so damn special
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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