Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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