dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
