I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
