i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
