I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
