New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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