Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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